If you want a relaxed, down-to-earth wedding without the pressures that typically come with wedding planning, this might be just what you are looking for. Throw a surprise wedding! Some couples choose to invite only their closest family and friends, but you don't have to sacrifice quantity if you don’t want to. You can invite 400 people and still not stress over flowers and bridal party drama and seating charts. Sure, it'll be a little more difficult with that many people, but with the right circumstances and enough planning, anything is possible.
Source: Surprise Wedding Sign
The Logistics
That's right. Don't tell anyone, but don't sneak off to the courthouse either. And I'm not talking "celebrity surprise wedding" where they jet off somewhere totally remote, get married, and don't tell anyone until after. Invite everyone to a bonfire or a dinner party, a costume party on Halloween, a Christmas dinner, a New Year's Eve bash, a yacht party, or even just to hang out and have a "quiet night in." Maybe you two just bought a house and you want to have a house-warming party to celebrate. You could also pretend it's an engagement party and have the wedding ceremony instead. If you're really, really good at pretending, have the groom send out the invites and pretend he's throwing a party so he can propose to you; guests will be amazed to find out he proposed months earlier! Halfway through the event, change into your dress and tux, make a toast and reveal you actually invited them to a wedding!
That's right. Don't tell anyone, but don't sneak off to the courthouse either. And I'm not talking "celebrity surprise wedding" where they jet off somewhere totally remote, get married, and don't tell anyone until after. Invite everyone to a bonfire or a dinner party, a costume party on Halloween, a Christmas dinner, a New Year's Eve bash, a yacht party, or even just to hang out and have a "quiet night in." Maybe you two just bought a house and you want to have a house-warming party to celebrate. You could also pretend it's an engagement party and have the wedding ceremony instead. If you're really, really good at pretending, have the groom send out the invites and pretend he's throwing a party so he can propose to you; guests will be amazed to find out he proposed months earlier! Halfway through the event, change into your dress and tux, make a toast and reveal you actually invited them to a wedding!
Source: Surprise Wedding Announcement, Surprised Guest
The Perks
You'll have to let a few people in on the secret, of course. Your officiant, obviously. If you want to have a bridal party, you can ask them in advance (and ask them to help plan!) if you trust them to keep it a secret, or you pull them aside the night of and ask them on the spot. If you give them short notice, make sure to tell them they don't need to give a speech or a toast so they don't feel like they have to scramble to prepare.
A surprise wedding may take some extra effort on your part because you don't have as many people who know about it to help, but at the same time, you avoid the stress and drama involved in planning a traditional wedding, so it pays off. In particular, because no one else knows, you don't have to worry about pleasing anyone else. Your mother-in-law won't stick her nose in, your best friend from college who you haven't spoken to in years so you didn't invite her/him won't have a chance to be offended, and you won't have to find a bridesmaid dress that flatters everyone. You can plan at your own pace as well, and your engagement can be as short or as long as you want it to be, without anyone else's input. It can truly be your wedding filled with details you are passionate about, and none that you are pressured to include.
Besides relieving some of the pressure on the bride and groom, you're also relieving some of the pressure on the guests. Particularly, the pressure to bring a gift. For a plethora of reasons, many couples find it awkward to ask for gifts, even though it is common practice for weddings. If your guests don't know it's a wedding, they won't feel forced to find a perfect gift. Or, maybe you already have everything you need – so there goes the stress in trying to register for gifts you may or may not use! Your bridal party won't feel pressured to be perfect or worry about toasts.
Without all that stress and pressure, everyone is left to have an incredible time. Not to mention, a happy surprise adds an almost child-like feeling of delight to the evening.
Source: Secret Moment
The Perks
You'll have to let a few people in on the secret, of course. Your officiant, obviously. If you want to have a bridal party, you can ask them in advance (and ask them to help plan!) if you trust them to keep it a secret, or you pull them aside the night of and ask them on the spot. If you give them short notice, make sure to tell them they don't need to give a speech or a toast so they don't feel like they have to scramble to prepare.
A surprise wedding may take some extra effort on your part because you don't have as many people who know about it to help, but at the same time, you avoid the stress and drama involved in planning a traditional wedding, so it pays off. In particular, because no one else knows, you don't have to worry about pleasing anyone else. Your mother-in-law won't stick her nose in, your best friend from college who you haven't spoken to in years so you didn't invite her/him won't have a chance to be offended, and you won't have to find a bridesmaid dress that flatters everyone. You can plan at your own pace as well, and your engagement can be as short or as long as you want it to be, without anyone else's input. It can truly be your wedding filled with details you are passionate about, and none that you are pressured to include.
Besides relieving some of the pressure on the bride and groom, you're also relieving some of the pressure on the guests. Particularly, the pressure to bring a gift. For a plethora of reasons, many couples find it awkward to ask for gifts, even though it is common practice for weddings. If your guests don't know it's a wedding, they won't feel forced to find a perfect gift. Or, maybe you already have everything you need – so there goes the stress in trying to register for gifts you may or may not use! Your bridal party won't feel pressured to be perfect or worry about toasts.
Without all that stress and pressure, everyone is left to have an incredible time. Not to mention, a happy surprise adds an almost child-like feeling of delight to the evening.
The Challenges
The biggest downside to a surprise wedding is some loved ones might not be able to make it. We tend to make bigger sacrifices or exceptions for weddings than we would for a dinner party. There are ways around this, though. If only a couple people can't make it, you could let them in on the secret and let them know you'd really love for them to be there, but you understand if they can't make arrangements. If it's more than a few and you don't want to risk word getting out (even unintentionally), you can just reiterate how important the party is to you and how much you'd appreciate it if they could make it.
One other downside to be aware of is some individuals might be offended by being left out of the planning. If you know someone like this and you're worried about even a partially negative reaction, luckily you can fix it easily. If this person is someone you would have asked to be a part of your traditional wedding, you should consider inviting them to help. Even if you just give them a small task or let them in on the secret a little early, it could go a long way towards protecting your feelings. Or, if you're really set on keeping the wedding a complete secret, write them a sincere letter explaining your decision to keep everyone out of the wedding, and let them know how much you care about them and that you're looking forward to all the new memories the two of you will make. If the person would have been in the bridal party in a traditional wedding, you can throw a secret bachelorette/bachelor party (it's your choice to tell them whether it's just another night out or what it's actually for), or you could wait until after your honeymoon and have a post-wedding bachelorette/bachelor party.
Special Twists
Maybe you're thinking there are other downsides – what about cake and having a photographer and a guestbook?! Don't worry: you can have all of those too. If you want a cake that really looks like a wedding cake, just keep it hidden until after the ceremony. You can have a photographer there too, but it's better if it's someone you know, who wouldn't stand out. You could even set up hidden cameras in the area you're going to reveal the big surprise. This way, you can record everyone's reactions to your news as well as the ceremony without giving anything away. One cute idea is to set out a few Polaroid cameras or even a photo booth. Encourage guests to take pictures all night, and later on, ask them to write a note on the back of the pictures so you can use those as your guestbook or put them in a scrapbook.
What do you think? Will you plan a surprise wedding or do you prefer the traditions that go along with a, well, traditional wedding? Tell us why!
Elizabeth graduated from The University of Findlay with a Master of Arts in Rhetoric and Writing. She now resides in Portland, Oregon where she is employed in the real estate business and is particularly enjoying the local cuisine. As a writer, Elizabeth believes in a quote from one of her favorite TV shows: "We have only two jobs on this Earth. The first: to learn. The second: to cope." A deep desire to learn struck Elizabeth when she was young, and now she hopes to help you cope by sharing information, and helping you apply the knowledge. Weddings and event planning can be overwhelming; sometimes it's okay to take a little advice from a stranger on the internet.
