Should You Have a Child-free Wedding?

Kids are great – to most people, usually. But more and more couples are choosing a child-free life, and they want a child-free wedding along with that life. On the other hand, there are tons of people who love kids who still don’t want to invite them to their wedding. Kids can be a logistical nightmare -- for parents and for the wedding planner. Babies require diaper bags, picky kids need their own food, and most will be tired long before the night is over. It’s also very difficult for kids to understand the significance of a wedding: including why they need to be quiet and pay attention. Wedding ceremonies simply aren’t as fun for kids. Being a parent with a child at a reception isn’t always so fun either. While it’s great to see kids dressed up and looking cute and playing with other kids, parents are still responsible for making sure nothing goes wrong – no one wants their child to accidentally hurt another or break something or run off or start screaming during the toasts.

Reasons to have a child-free wedding
There are an abundance of reasons to invite kids to your wedding. They look adorable all dressed up, they're part of your family and you love them, and it's important to include children (especially as they get older) in "adult" events so they learn the significance of these events. But there are also plenty of reasons why you might not want to invite kids.

·         You simply invited too many people – before you counted the kids. If your guest list is too big already, you may have to ask guests to not bring their kids, because there just isn’t room for them, and it’s more important for you to have the adults who are special to you there to help you celebrate.

·         Your venue is small. You may have to cut your guest list down significantly to fit into your space. You have to decide who is more important: adults who will appreciate and remember your wedding, or kids who definitely won’t remember it and may even cause problems.

·         You just don’t like kids. That’s perfectly fine. You don’t have to like them, and you don’t have to invite them.

·         You want a night with your adult friends and you want everyone to be able to enjoy the party without distractions. And there’s no way to be distraction-free if a child is there. Kids just need more attention than adults do, and if you don’t want to sacrifice your time with family and friends to their children, you don’t have to.

Source: Children at Wedding, Baby at Wedding

How to tell your guests

Informing your guests your wedding will be child-free is tricky. You’ll need to be kind and firm, and make it clear what you will and will not make exceptions for.

·         Tell them as soon as you’ve decided, if possible. The sooner guests know they won’t be able to bring their kids, the sooner they can make the appropriate plans.

·         Offer to help with childcare. If a guest is traveling for your wedding, recommend a daycare or a nanny in your area.

·         If only a few of your guests have children, it’s better to reach out to them personally so you can explain how much you love their kids and exactly why they’re not invited.

·         If most of your guest list is parents, you’ll probably want a more generic, time-saving message. Add a card or note to the Save the Date or send a letter or email explaining you’re only inviting guests over a specific age, you appreciate their understanding, and tell them to let you know if they will need any help figuring out childcare.

·         Be prepared to make an exception for mothers who are nursing – they may not be able to be apart from their baby long enough to attend your wedding. If you’re inviting a brand-new mother, talk to her directly about the options. You’ll also need to be prepared for upset parents: “she brought her kid, why couldn’t I bring mine?” A simple, direct answer should be enough: “she’s nursing. This is the only way she could attend.”

·         Discuss with your fiancé when you can bend the rules. A babysitter might cancel at the last minute – would you rather have the kids added at the last minute or the parents bail at the last minute?

·         Consider the theme and timing of your wedding. Are you having a late-night reception at a bar? Definitely not a scene for children. But a Saturday afternoon backyard BBQ? You’ll need a good explanation for why kids aren’t invited. This doesn’t mean you have to change your theme if you don’t want to invite kids, just that parents will be more understanding if it’s not a kid-friendly venue.

Source: Child-free Invitation

How to react to a child-free wedding invitation

For the happy parents who received an invitation to an “adults only, please” wedding, don’t panic. If you are truly unable to leave your kids for that long, the bride and groom will understand. They may make an exception for you. But you do not have the right to pressure them into changing their minds, nor do you have the right to ignore their request and bring your kids along anyway. Remember this is their wedding, not yours.

·       Don’t be upset. The bride and groom are not targeting you because they hate your kids.

·       If there is absolutely no way to attend the wedding without your kids in tow, ask the bride and groom if they will make an exception. Be kind, and don’t be surprised if they say no.

·     If you’re close to the other wedding guests, try to set up joint childcare for everyone (if the bride and groom aren’t providing any). If all the kids are in a group together, they’ll be happier than if they were left with just the babysitter.

·     Maybe your kids are perfect angels who never do anything wrong and maybe they’re not. It doesn’t matter, because kids are unpredictable. Especially if they’ve never been to a wedding before, you don’t know how they will behave. They might cower out of nervousness because of all the new people or they might act completely out of character because they have a whole new audience. You just don’t know what kids will do, and that kind of uncertainty is not conducive to a relaxing, carefree wedding. Accept that the bride and groom want to enjoy this day as completely as they can, and kids are more likely to inhibit that enjoyment than they are to encourage it.

What to do if a guest protests your child-free request

Be prepared for parents to decline the invitation. It’s just not feasible for some parents to leave their kids, particularly if they have to travel. Tell them you’re sorry they can’t make it, but you understand why, and you appreciate them respecting your wishes. Other guests may not be able to comprehend why you don’t want kids at your wedding. They may take the protests a little far. Gently explain why you aren’t inviting children. You can say things like “we know some children are very well-behaved, but it’s not fair to only invite the well-behaved kids” or “weddings aren’t as fun for kids as they are for adults.” Maybe you’re having a black-tie affair and kids just don’t fit that picture – no one can argue that point. Maybe you’re serving steak and seafood and most kids won’t eat that, and the ones who do can’t appreciate it fully. If the guest doesn’t understand even after you pepper them with reasons, gently remind them they don’t have to attend. It may be difficult, and it may cause a temporary wedge in your relationship with them, but the bottom line is it is your wedding and you deserve to have a memorable, enjoyable day. Your guests didn’t consult you about their wedding decisions, and you don’t have to listen to their suggestions about yours.

If you choose to have a child-free wedding, remember:

·      You are not selfish by asking to have a child-free wedding.

·     You put so much effort into planning your wedding and reception, and sometimes things just don’t fit. You wanted a barbershop quartet but settled for a DJ. Your fiancé wanted fireworks, you wanted doves, and you settled for balloons. There are tons of compromises while planning a wedding, and children at the event is one of them.

If you were invited to a childfree wedding, don't be offended

·      The bride and groom are not excluding your children specifically.

·      This day is about the bride and groom. Maybe they live a childfree life and want that reflected in their wedding, or maybe they just want to have a night full of drinking and dancing and not worrying about when bedtime is for a third of the guests.

·     You may think the bride and groom are being selfish. They've been planning this day for a long time, and have likely put a lot of thought into their decision to make their wedding child-free. Maybe the venue isn't large enough, or it's not the right atmosphere for children, or maybe they had to cut down on costs somewhere. This doesn't mean they are being selfish.

·    Don’t you miss, at least a little bit, the nights you had with just your significant other? Wouldn’t you love to have another carefree night, particularly one that may have an open bar? It’s okay to take some time for yourselves. Relax, enjoy a little quality time with your significant other! Your kids can have fun at home -- no dressing up and sitting quietly required.

An alternative to a completely child-free wedding

Offer a “daycare” room for both the wedding and the reception. Hire caregivers you trust to babysit so parents don’t feel as if their children are being excluded, and they don’t have to hire their own babysitter. One fear for parents (especially new parents) is what might happen while they’re away from their children. Having childcare at the same location reduces that fear, and the parents will be more relaxed and better able to enjoy the festivities. If you’re okay with children being at the reception as long as they’re occupied, hiring a caregiver or even a teacher and setting up a “kid’s area,” maybe set off by a curtain, is another good alternative. Kids will be even more present, but if they aren’t interested in the wedding festivities, they don’t have to sit at a table, bored.

A wedding is one of the most significant days in a couple’s lives. Parents may be used to their kids’ outbursts, but the bride and groom are not, and they want to be able to focus on each other, without distractions. No one will be able to plan a wedding that will be perfect for every single guest. That’s not the point. Because you care about your guests, of course you’ll want them all to be happy and have a good time at your wedding, but at the end of the day, it’s your wedding, and your day, and it’s your decision about whether the reception is inside or outside, what time it starts, whether there will be a DJ or a live band – and whether or not kids are welcome. Don’t feel bad if you upset someone; it’s their choice if they attend or not, and if they can’t accept and support your decisions, they might not be the type of person you want at your wedding anyway.

Chime in below – what do you think about child-free weddings?

Elizabeth graduated from The University of Findlay with a Master of Arts in Rhetoric and Writing. She now resides in Portland, Oregon where she is employed in the real estate business and is particularly enjoying the local cuisine. As a writer, Elizabeth believes in a quote from one of her favorite TV shows: "We have only two jobs on this Earth. The first: to learn. The second: to cope." A deep desire to learn struck Elizabeth when she was young, and now she hopes to help you cope by sharing information, and helping you apply the knowledge. Weddings and event planning can be overwhelming; sometimes it's okay to take a little advice from a stranger on the internet.

How To Style Your Dream Wedding Like a Pro

The most important thing on your wedding day is that you are marrying your best friend. And the second most important? Some bloggers and wedding experts will insist that it is the people you will have with you, the food, the decor, or the atmosphere. We are here to tell you that the most important things on your special day are whatever you want them to be! For a couple that is eloping, the location may be the main detail, while a couple planning a large wedding may decide to focus most of their efforts and budget on making their guests comfortable.

Instead of trying to give you a step by step of how to plan the perfect wedding - because let's face it, there are an infinite number of ways to plan a wonderful wedding - we are here to help you with the supporting details no matter your theme or style. Having a vision of the mood or style of your wedding will help you to make decisions for everything from the decorations to the location for your ceremony and reception. 

It is easy to pin every little wedding detail that you adore on Pinterest and then become overwhelmed when trying to put them all together in your own wedding. Once you have a wedding board created, we would encourage you to look through and find a handful of images that really inspire you. Once you have those, you have a perfect starting point to build from.We will be starting with 4 different sets of inspiration photos and working from there.



From here, we will work towards identifying a color palette, specific style words to guide you through all future wedding-related decisions, and a few font and monogram ideas that would accent your event. 

Windswept Coastal

This set of images has us daydreaming of a breezy overcast day on a quiet stretch of beach along the sea. We pulled color inspiration from faded driftwood and the dusty blues of the ocean on a cloudy day. The script fonts chosen mimic the movement of the sea, while the block font is a perfectly simple accent.

We're picturing an intimate wedding ceremony held at the edge of the water with only a few family members and friends standing with you as you say your vows. Afterwards, you walk down the beach to the tables covered in dusty blue tablecloths layered with sheer flowing fabric and adorned with driftwood place cards, seashells, and tinted glass vases filled with wild flowers.

Image Credits: Table / Driftwood Place Cards / Waves on the Shore / Cakes

Fonts: Miama / Caviar Dreams / Sail

Lush Woodland

Our next example features lush greenery and an earthy, dreamy feel. Shades of green, tan, and copper have us swooning over the possibilities for decor and venues. The fonts we have chosen to pair with this look have a handwritten feel that keeps things relaxed and still timeless.

A moss covered forest floor with giant trees as the backdrop is what we are envisioning for the ceremony, and the reception would be perfect in those same woods or in a non-traditional venue like an older building with exposed brick walls. Use string to hang small pieces of fern leaves and paint-dipped feathers and an abundance of natural garland on the tables, doors, and hanging from the ceiling. This laid-back affair almost has a bohemian feel, but with more muted colors and soft lighting. We are in love.

Image Credits: Bride Swing / Greenery and Feathers / Lighting / Forest

Fonts: In Screaming Color / Night Still Comes / Windsong

Elegant All In White

This elegant style board focuses on a monochromatic color scheme of all white. Style words like dazzling and crisp fit nicely. Classically formal fonts bring a sophisticated feel to invitations, place cards, and signs throughout the day.

This all-white style board has us dreaming of a large white tent with white fabric draped majestically from the tall ceiling, and accented with sparkly chandeliers giving off a warm glow. We are imagining black tie attire with a glamorous cocktail hour and cigar station. Candlelight and flowers play a major role in the table decorations, and can be accented with mercury glass vases.

Image Credits: Bouquet / Chandelier / Place Setting / Dance Floor

Fonts: Burguess / Engravers / Exmouth

Glamorous Blush and Gold

In this example, the images very clearly point to a feminine, sparkly, and glamorous affair. We pulled specific colors that paired well together and can be found in the sample images to form a beautiful and cohesive color palette. Once you have these, you start to get a sense of the style; Words like glitzy, light, and romantic come to mind with the sparkle of shimmery gold alongside of the blush pinks and soft kraft color. Fun fonts and monograms keep things feeling light and feminine. 

With this style board, we would lean towards a classy reception hall, decorated in light and airy fabrics with some stunning sequin or glittery accents. The attire for the evening would most likely be formal, with a formal dinner followed by dancing. When in doubt, go with sparkle!

Image Credits: Place Setting / Invitation Suite / Wedding Ring / Glitter

Fonts: Cantoni / Adobe Caslon Pro / Sweet Pea

Now that you've seen our examples, we'd love to hear what you come up with! There is no wrong way to use these style boards, but you can see how easy it is to imagine all of the rest of the details once you have pulled together the basic feel you want for your special day! Make sure to bring yours with you when meeting with your wedding vendors to keep you on track, and to help them to understand your vision.

Websites & Apps to Help You Plan Your Perfect Wedding

While preparing for your wedding day, we know it may be overwhelming to keep all of your information straight.  There will be guest lists, to-do lists, vendor information, contracts, and so much more to keep track of, all while trying to keep focused on your wedding vision.  Luckily, there are countless tools to help you plan for your big day, capture the day itself, and enjoy looking back at your wedding day for years to come.  

When you start to gather inspiration, it is important to have a means to keep it all organized and just a few clicks away.  Gone are the days of sifting through what seems like hundreds of bookmarks, trying to remember which one contains the centerpieces that would be just perfect for your event.  There are now sites that allow you to pull any photo from just about any website and even make notes below the photo for quick reference.  Just a click and you are taken directly to the site you need.  Pinterest and Lover.ly are available to do just this.  Some companies even create Pinterest boards to help inspire you, such as our collection of boards.

When it comes to keeping the endless lists and paperwork organized, there are a lot of great sites that update in real-time every time a file or note is added.  This allows both you and your fiancé access to the most current information from anywhere on any device, be it a computer, tablet, or phone.  Evernote allows you to keep all of your notes, files and images readily available.  Important information can be clipped directly from your favorite websites.  You can even take photos with your phone or tablet, record a short audio clip, and save for future reference.  Google Docs and Dropbox work in a similar manner.

Wedding websites and wedding apps will continue to be popular among brides.  As a bride in today’s world, we need all the help we can get!  Though these may seem like small things to think about in the scheme of planning a wedding, choosing the right wedding planning tools will help you to have a low-stress planning experience.

Image Credit:  Bride at Computer, Smart Phone

Setting the Budget for Your Big Day

So he popped the question and you said yes! Now what? You may be feeling a little overwhelmed with all the plotting and planning that goes into preparing for the big day that you don't even know where to start. One of the first things you're going to want to do is set the all important wedding budget. Your wedding budget dictates almost every aspect or your wedding. What size or type of wedding do you want? Do you want an intimate gathering or a grand affair? How big will your guest list be? Will you plan a local wedding or a destination celebration? So many questions will be easier to answer once you set that budget. Depending on how long your engagement is you should set a basic budget as soon as you can, or at least 12 months in advance, if you have that long.

According to the January issue of Brides magazine, the average American wedding cost is around $25,000. Don't worry if this sounds too high, for you can make your wedding just as special for less. That is why you need to set your budget early on, so you don't run the risk of spending more than you can afford.

Here are a few essential questions to ask early on that will help you set your budget:

When is the wedding?

Knowing when you're going to 'tie the knot' will dictate now long you have to save up money.

Who's paying?

Traditionally the bride's family picked up nearly the whole wedding tab, now days more and more often the groom's family is contributing. Also, couples themselves now pay a good amount towards their 'I dos', especially when their tastes and wants exceed what their families can afford. When deciding who pays for what, set down with each set of parents separately and ask for a dollar amount that they are able to contribute. It also may be easier to have your parents pinpoint a certain part of the wedding that they can cover (i.e. ceremony, catering, honeymoon, alcohol/bar). If you and your fiancé will be covering the tab yourselves, really focus on the next question.

How much can be saved?

As soon as you're engaged figure out how much you can afford to put aside each month. Something to consider; the longer your engagement, the more money you can stash away.

Now that these important questions have been answered, here is a formula to follow to set your budget:

Once you have pinpointed a number for your budget, it's good to have a general idea of how your budget is going to be distributed amongst the different costs of your wedding. Below is a basic distribution of costs. This can be adjusted to fit your individual wants and needs. If a destination wedding is in the plans, then you will want to set aside a larger percentage for transportation. If you know you are going to splurge on that designer gown you've been dreaming of, then other aspects of your wedding will have to be adjusted accordingly.

Now that your budget is set, let the planning begin! Don't get stressed if your budget needs to be adjusted along the way. Just remember to stick close to your original number, you want to be able to enjoy your special day, not regret how much you over spent. Most importantly, keep in mind that it's not the amount of money you spend that makes your day special, it's that special someone you spend the day with!

Credits: Rings and planner image, Budget formula adapted from January issue of Brides magazine, Budget distribution adapted from Ashley's Bride Guide